A PRETTY THOUGHT · MIND & PSYCHOLOGY
On self-concept, the power of words and the curious relationship between what we believe and what becomes possible.
Dear Universe, we need to talk.
I’d quite like my own child therapy clinic. Somewhere beautiful and welcoming, where children feel safe, families feel supported and I can finally put all those ideas I’ve been collecting into practice. I can already imagine the rooms, the atmosphere and the toys. Particularly the toys.
Now, I’m not expecting you to deliver the keys while I sit on the sofa visualising my future success. I’ve got plans to make, decisions to take and quite a bit of work ahead of me.
But I do have a small question. If I can picture that clinic so clearly, believe I’m capable of creating it and start making decisions that bring me closer to opening its doors, how much of the eventual result belongs to me? And how much credit will you be expecting?
Because somewhere between vision boards, positive affirmations and becoming the highest version of ourselves, manifestation has become an industry. Bestselling books, online courses, guided meditations, beautifully designed journals and, naturally, an app for that. Apparently, even the universe has discovered the subscription model.
The promise is tempting: change your thoughts, believe in the reality you desire and watch your life transform. Want a better relationship? Manifest it. A successful career? Manifest it. Financial abundance? Apparently, you need to start behaving as though your bank account hasn’t received the news.
But beneath the promises of dream lives and unlimited possibilities lies an idea I find considerably more interesting: what we believe about ourselves influences how we experience the world.
And I’m not talking about convincing myself that a luxury car is already parked outside my house. Although I’d be happy to investigate if one appeared.
I’m talking about self-concept: the collection of beliefs and assumptions that shape our understanding of who we are, what we’re capable of and what we believe we deserve.
Consider someone who believes that people don’t like them. They walk into a room and notice two people whispering. Naturally, they assume they’re being discussed. A friend takes longer than usual to reply to a message, and suddenly the silence becomes evidence of rejection. Meanwhile, someone else smiles, offers a compliment or extends an invitation, and those details barely register.
Psychology has a name for part of this process: confirmation bias. We tend to favour information that supports beliefs we already hold, sometimes overlooking evidence that challenges them. Our minds can be remarkably committed to proving us right, even when being right makes us miserable.
But a belief is not a fact, and a self-concept is not a life sentence.
Someone who has spent years believing they’re incapable might begin questioning that assumption. They apply for an opportunity they once dismissed, speak with more confidence or stop interpreting every setback as proof that they aren’t good enough. They haven’t magically acquired new abilities overnight, but they’ve begun behaving as someone who considers growth possible.
And their circumstances may start to change as a result.
Of course, changing deeply held beliefs isn’t quite as simple as standing in front of a mirror and declaring yourself extraordinary. If it were, therapists would have considerably shorter waiting lists.
There’s something fascinating about the possibility that we spend years living according to assumptions we’ve never consciously chosen. We call them personality traits, limitations or simply the way things are. Then one day, we question one of them, and possibilities we’d previously dismissed begin to look different.
The world outside us may be exactly the same. But we’re no longer approaching it as quite the same person.
Psychologist Gabriele Oettingen’s research on mental contrasting offers an interesting perspective. Imagining a desirable future, while also considering the obstacles standing in our way, can help us decide which goals to pursue and take meaningful steps towards them. Simply indulging in positive fantasies, on the other hand, doesn’t necessarily motivate us to do the work.
Which is rather inconvenient for anyone hoping to manifest a successful business without dealing with the business plan.
Recently, I came across an Instagram post promoting a ten-day wish-fulfilment exercise attributed to Carl Jung. The instructions sounded almost suspiciously simple: write down what you want as though you already have it, say it aloud, spend two minutes visualising it and repeat the ritual for ten days.
Ten days. I’ve had parcels take longer to arrive.
Now, I couldn’t find reliable evidence that Jung ever developed or scientifically validated this particular technique. But attaching the name of one of psychology’s most famous thinkers to an exercise certainly gives it an air of authority.
If you fancy giving it a go, please report back. Particularly if you’ve managed to manifest your dream life in ten days. I clearly have some questions.
Of course, the scientific evidence is rather less enthusiastic about promising anyone a new life by next Thursday.
In research first published online in 2023, Lucas Dixon and colleagues found that people with stronger manifestation beliefs tended to feel more confident about future success, but those beliefs weren’t consistently associated with objective measures of achievement, such as income or education. The researchers also found associations with riskier financial decisions. These findings don’t establish cause and effect, but they complicate the promise that believing strongly enough guarantees success.
Confidence, it seems, isn’t always an accurate forecast.
There’s also a less charming side to the idea that we create our own reality. If success is supposedly attracted by the right thoughts, what does that suggest about people facing illness, discrimination, financial hardship or circumstances they never chose?
Life isn’t always fair. People can believe wholeheartedly in a better future, work extraordinarily hard and still encounter obstacles beyond their control. A philosophy that celebrates possibility shouldn’t turn misfortune into a personal failure.
Yet I keep returning to the curious influence of self-concept.
We carry assumptions about ourselves that can shape what we notice, how we respond and which opportunities we consider worth pursuing. When an old assumption begins to loosen its grip, possibilities that once seemed entirely out of reach can start to look surprisingly ordinary.
And there’s something quietly remarkable about that. A future doesn’t have to arrive before we begin making room for it.
For now, there are plans to make, decisions to consider and quite a few things to figure out before my clinic becomes a reality. I still catch myself imagining what it will look like, how the rooms will feel and what I’d like children and families to experience when they walk through the door.
Then I return to my very real to-do list and get on with the work.
Although I have already given a rather unreasonable amount of thought to where the toys will go.
References
American Psychological Association. Confirmation Bias. APA Dictionary of Psychology.
Oettingen, G., & Reininger, K. M. (2016). The Power of Prospection: Mental Contrasting and Behavior Change. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 10(11), 591–604.
Dixon, L. J., Hornsey, M. J., & Hartley, N. (2025; first published online 2023). “The Secret” to Success? The Psychology of Belief in Manifestation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 51(1), 49–65.